Who Am I?

For years I've asked myself, "Who Am I?" I've been in and out of foster care, I've been molested, I've had a gun held to my head, and I've attempted suicide more times than I care to count. I've often wondered which of these experiences made me who I am today. How many of these experiences define me. The answer is, surprisingly, NONE. What defines a person is their hopes and dreams, their fears and what they've lost. Things that aren't in my control don't dictate what my life will be or how I will turn out.
I could show you a picture of me smoking and drinking and partying - and that's me. I could show you a picture of three consecutive straight A report cards - and that's me, too. The difference is a year and the realization that the mistakes of my parents are not something that I'm bound to repeat.
Someone could tell you all of the horrible things I've witnessed and you would cry, hang your head, and think, "That poor girl. I wonder where she is now? Probably in prison," But that is the misconception that dooms people like me to repeat the past.
For my first three years of high school, after I had moved in with some of my family, I was treated like I was my mother. I was treated like I was my father. I was treated as if I were the one who had robbed a pharmacy at gunpoint. Now, I know my family loves me - and there's no denying that - but what result do you expect when a child who has hardly ever had any support is treated like a hardened criminal? You get the first picture of me. I succumbed to the pressure and I fell to meet everyone's expectations. I failed classes. I skipped at least 60 days of school my sophomore year and about 30 during my junior year. I smoked (cigarettes) and I snuck around to have sex and drink with my friends. I learned how to lie through my teeth to get away from my family and their low expectations.
Skip forward to my senior year. I'm living with my mom again. Yes, I still make mistakes. I drink when I go to parties and I'm still sexually active. These are normal teenage things. The difference between the first and second picture, though? I'm happy and healthy and I'm safe to come home and admit that: Yes. I did have a little bit to drink last night. However, the main difference is that I'm being supported in all of my decisions. My mom doesn't check my phone because she doesn't feel the need to. She feels confident that if I made a mistake or got into some kind of trouble, I would come and tell her. She gives me the freedom and trust that I need to explore my limits, but she also sets boundaries. I have a 12 o'clock or 1 o'clock curfew depending on where I go on a given night. My mother creates a safe haven for me to come back to. I may disappoint or upset her, but I don't have to hide anything from her. It's this environment that has gotten me straight A's and an amazing group of friends. I'm able to be anything I want to be.
Despite the aforementioned narrative, neither define me. I'm not the drinks I have or the grades I get or the friends I have. Would you like to know what defines me? I'm afraid of the dark, and I always have been. I have an unhealthy obsession with cats. I'm open to loving anyone regardless of color, creed, race, religion. I love classic rock. I take a selfie at least once a day. I was once vegetarian for 7 months. I want as many tattoos as I can fit on my body because I don't think that art should be confined to a canvas. I have 00 gauges because I think they're beyond cool.  I paint. I sing. I act. I'm a good person with multiple interests and infinite plans for the future. These are what define me. These make me who I am. So, I've stopped asking myself, "Who am I?" Instead, I ask, who are you?